Durty Nelly's. Charlottesville, Virginia

2200 Jefferson Park Avenue

Guinness Tag: $8.98 | Overall Rating: 7.05

Today's Dedicated Pint: Red Stripe

There's a really neat Pub that sits nearby the Bunratty Castle in Ireland called Durty Nelly's. It's one hour away from the Cliffs of Moher, and they've been providing hospitality to travelers since the 1600's. I would do almost anything to imbibe on a Guinness under that roof one day. Here in the states, particularly Virginia in this case, someone opened a Pub under the same name, and it's been a bit of a Charlottesville staple since 1978. The townies know them for karaoke and deli sandwiches. I know them for asking a King's ransom for a canned Guinness.

I anchored down at 2200 Jefferson Park Ave on a brisk, overcast afternoon after a pint at Macado's a couple of hours away in Lexington, VA. After a bit of a letdown at Macado's, I was excited to walk into a Pub that some of the locals consider a gem. First of all, let me be the first to tell you that driving around Charlottesville absolutely sucks and I don't recommend it to anyone. It's congested, it's swarmed with college kids, and the video cameras are watching your every move (I got a ticket in the mail for running a red light... yes, it was bullshit, and no, I'm not disputing it, but it's still bullshit). Once you arrive, you'll notice a somewhat small parking lot and a little beat-up patio. The curb appeal totally fits the vibe of the place; it's not proper, it's not too impressive, but it's fun.

Upon entry, you'll notice a handful of tables to your left alongside a fireplace, and the bar/music stage to your right. Way in the back is a very nice Steel Tip Dart setup where leagues play every week. I wanted to practice my throw while I was here, being that I was quite literally on my way to Virginia Beach to compete in a darts tournament, but I was on a bit of a time crunch. I knew if I started, then I'd probably lose track of time.

Whenever I walk into a Pub, I'm bellying up at the bar 99% of the time rather than opting to sit at a table. However, today at Durty Nelly's, I decided to partake in that 1% experience. The bar here is small, the TV had a boring soccer match on, and the guy nursing his beer looked a bit peculiar. I also think the tables/dining atmosphere is much cozier than the bar. I asked for a Guinness, and the friendly bartender tells me, "It's outta the can if that's alright." I oblige. He cracks it, pours it, and says, "It'll be $8.98 after tax." I can't say I've ever spent that much on a can of beer before, and I hope I never spend that much for one ever again! Perhaps Virginia slaps a 50% sales tax on cans of Guinness? I doubt it, but we'll blame it on the local government rather than the bar manager today (it's totally the bar manager's fault). Honestly, this goes out to you, Durty Nelly's bar manager: you suck. How dare you charge that much for a can of Guinness. That's like charging $4.00 for a single potato. It's un-American. You just don't do it.

I don't mind spending money on a Guinness (some of my highest rated Pubs have the most expensive pours of Guinness in the country). I do mind, however, overspending on a Guinness when the place isn't that awesome and I have to pour it myself. If you haven't caught my drift by now, then let this be the tug on your shirt to let you know I'm not a food critic or the typical YouTube Review Guy: I'm raw, I don't care what society thinks, and I tell it how it is. My fellow Craic Addicts deserve the real deal, not some sugarcoated crap.

Anyway... I sit at the table in the corner and begin to enjoy my costly refreshment, and as I look around, I realize how much charm there is on the walls. The decor/signage is old school, and I love it. There's one Pub in particular over in Indianapolis that I always compare wall decor with, it's called Murphy's Pubhouse South. Essentially all of their signage is from Hobby Lobby, and it's really embarrassing (sorry to call you out, Murphy's, I still kinda like you guys). Good, authentic signage/decor on the walls is such a surefire way to know if the Pub owner has heart in their craft vs heart in just moneymaking. If you open a Pub and I see shit from Hobby Lobby on your walls, you will never see me opening my wallet inside your establishment again, and I'm telling my friends to run away (your moneymaking greed fails with us). It blows my mind how some bar owners seem to be so clueless that good wall decor can make or break your place. People don't want to sit in a room with nothing but painted drywall and generic signs that say, "Hooray, beer is here!" Get your corny ass out of the industry and let the big dogs eat. If you visited your new girlfriend's apartment for the first time, would you rather see pictures of her and her family on the wall? Or would you rather see the stock photos with the $12.99 sticker inside the frame that you're supposed to throw away and replace whenever you buy picture frames from Michael's? That's what I see when I notice shitty wall decor on your Pub's walls: stock photos from Walmart that you didn't even bother to replace with something worthy. Stop wasting my time (not you, Durty Nelly's, you guys totally delivered on this front.. I'm just going on a little rant here).

Sorry for that... I recently switched from Folgers to Maxwell House and I think my (many) brain cells are feeling a bit rowdy today. Anyways, I love Durty Nelly's wall decor, and I especially love the ceiling tiles right in the middle of the place. I don't really love the joint, though. Don't get me wrong, it's not bad, but I don't think I'd want to spend more than an hour here. I am certain it gets incredibly jam packed inside this tiny place, and I've never been a fan of karaoke. I like to sing and I like hearing people sing, but there's something about being forced to listen to Nancy's drunk ass belting out Cher and totally butchering it. Not my cup of tea, especially if I'm spending money to listen to it. Some things are better left in the shower.

The bathrooms are amazingly small and grungy. If there's anything I've grown to fall in love with over these last couple of years, it's a gross and tiny toiletry. Aside from proper Pubs, it's sort of just a thing; most Pubs have really small, pathetic, gross bathrooms. It's to the point for me where "the worse the better." There you have it, folks, I have fallen in love with small and grungy bathrooms. My life is on track to greatness, and I can't think of a better way to prove to my parents that they've raised a winner.

It's been almost 50 years since Durty Nelly's here in Charlottesville cracked open its fist can of Guinness, and it might be another 50 years til' I come back. I'm not saying this place sucks, because it surely doesn't, but there's no doubt it didn't scratch my itch, and if you're anything like me, it's not going to scratch yours either. If you're spending the night in Charlottesville, then sure, go ahead and kill some time here, but don't take time out of your day to get here.

I'm not mad. I'm just a little disappointed.

I'm off to Roanoke. Thanks for the quickie, Durty Nelly's. Good luck, and farewell. Slainte.