Loch Ness Monster Spotted in Louisville by Man Traveling to Every Irish Pub Across America

A local Cincinnati man, Clint Dury, publicly known as "The Drunken Mallard," made it his mission to step foot inside every Irish Pub in America in the year 2023. After his travels to Chicago and NYC, he said, "I need to go south where the jambalaya is warm and the Guinness is cold." He traveled by a little boat with just a life vest, a few packets of oyster crackers, and three cans of Guinness. He set sail from Cincinnati and headed south along the Ohio River with plans to connect to the Mississippi which would lead him to New Orleans.

Along the way, he got caught in rough waters outside Jeffersonville, Indiana, a small city that overlooks the skyline of Louisville, KY. A large barge carrying four containers of charcoal, citric acid, and aluminum foil, knocked Clint off his boat and flung him into the deep, flowing waters near the shore. His remaining Guinness had sunk, his last oyster cracker was destroyed, and he started to panic. As he swam towards dry land, he felt a nibble on his left foot. He later said in an interview with local news station, WKRP, "As I swam to safety, I knew my left foot had been severed by something greater than a fish. With St. Patrick as my witness, I'm telling you: it was the Loch Ness Monster. I saw him swim away with my foot. As soon as I got to shore, I managed to snag a photo of the fella before he vanished."

Clint has shared the photo with us, but he refuses to take any more questions about the matter. There are no further updates on the condition of his last oyster cracker. We did, however, witness him wrap his lower left leg with aluminum foil as he ventured towards Patrick O'Shea's on land.