Brehon Pub. Chicago, Illinois
- The Drunken Mallard
- Jul 10
- 4 min read
731 North Wells Street
Guinness Tag: $9.00 | Overall Rating: 4.75
Today's Dedicated Pint: Paul Revere
A Brehon is an older term for "judge" in early Irish Law. Brehon Pub is a place in Chicago with $12 Sloppy Joes and a low rating on The Drunken Mallard's list of Pubs. Typically, I'll start with all of the good things about a Pub and quickly dish out the negatives at the end, while ending on a happy note. I'm really not on this journey (stepping foot inside every Irish Pub in America) to make anyone look bad, however, I'm documenting every visit and by all means; I will always be one to keep it real and speak without a filter. With that being said, let's talk about this lousy Pub they call, Brehon. Today, I'm the judge.
Irish Pubs come in many shapes, colors, and qualities. I've been to Pubs in NYC, to New Orleans, Key West, Texas, Chicago, and places in between. Some are very authentic while some just seem to slap an Irish sign out front and try to cater to everyone with "cookie-cutter" interiors (cheap furniture, too many TVs, bare walls, bland music, yada yada). When it comes to creating and maintaining a truly good Irish Pub you have to do a couple of things. You have to be unique in some way, and you can't try to cater to everyone; you must stay in your lane. As I've said in a previous article: when you try to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one.
Brehon Pub definitely doesn't fall at the TOP of the list of trying to please everyone, as it surely has a more proper feel all around and a touch more Irishness than others. Although, I can't say that I've been to many Irish Pubs that sell Sloppy Joes, Ravioli, Egg Rolls, and Teriyaki Chicken. I think my mother would backhand me to the face if she ever saw me spending $12 on someone else's Sloppy Joe sandwich. Okay... that's enough about the Sloppy Joes, I promise.
The best thing about Brehon Pub is certainly its curb appeal. The window etchings are marvelous, and the architecture is splendid. I think this next picture below does the place more justice than it deserves, though. The next best thing is the ceiling tiles: they're old, they're classy, and they're tall. The lighting in here is nice and dim, there's a backroom with a pool table that provides exposed brick, and the Crown-Moulding offers a cozy touch. There's a jukebox for the foot tappers and an outdated Golden Tee machine for the athletes. You'll find a couple of TVs for spectating and a small, yet clean toiletry to plop the potato.
The furniture in here has no craftsmanship; it feels mass produced. The bar counter itself is incredibly ugly with a laminate finish. I don't know about you, but if I'm going to bend my elbows at a place while spending over $10 for a Guinness + Tip, I don't want it to be on a budget friendly, laminate countertop. Put some pride in your baby, damn it. When I originally walked through the front door I said to myself "this place may not be too bad", but once I sat at the bar and started to look around, I said "eek, perhaps this place bites". (To be honest, my initial thoughts as I enter any Pub are always: wooh! Another Pub, let's go!)
I can't imagine opening an Irish Pub with my name behind it and going "cheap" regarding any square inch of the place. Brehon did that in many ways. There's a lot of drywall, there's an abundant amount of bland decor, the bar itself has no charm to it, and the authenticity is lacking. They do serve Guinness the right way inside a traditional pint glass which is nice, and they have an above average draft beer selection as well as whiskey. The people serving those beverages may not be the most engaging or interesting bartenders in the world and the management roaming around doesn't seem like the most enjoyable cup of tea. Maybe I'm being harsh and wrong, but I doubt it. First impressions are everything, and I'll always give you the benefit of the doubt if I see you in the weeds with a full bar and unruly guests: I get it, I've been in the industry my entire life. But if you have a relatively empty bar and not a lot going on, then by all means; you gotta dish up the Craic.
There's no Craic in Brehon Pub. For a Pub that's been slinging pints for over 30 years, it disappointingly has almost no patina and no Craic. It's just a place people support because it's simply there, in my opinion. But hey, opinions are like ass-cheeks; everyone has a stinky one or two.
It was a fun time as always, no thanks to Brehon Pub. Thanks anyway, Brehon. I wish you luck and success in the days ahead, but I'm off to a better barstool. Slainte!
SLOPPY JOES!
You're a badass for making it this far into my article. Not many people make it this far, so I thank you for your interest in my stuff. I may not end up making it to every single Irish Pub in America before they bury me 6 feet underground, but I promise you that I'll die trying. Maybe someone can take over for me once my quarters finally run out...? Yeah, right.
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