Declan's. Chicago, Illinois

1240 North Wells Street #98

Guinness Tag: $8.00 | Overall Rating: 6.00

Today's Dedicated Pint: Brandonious Maximous

Declan's is a prime example of putting lipstick on a pig. It has good craftsmanship, nice lighting, and checks most of the boxes when it comes to what a decent looking Pub should look like. The bouncer, the staff, the music, and the crowd reminds you that it's still a pig.

We arrived at about 4:30 in the afternoon and got stopped by a bouncer out front. As soon as we walked in, we were immediately asked if we had a reservation despite being the only ones in there. We grabbed a couple of barstools and had the typical interaction you get from an "industry lifer" who isn't necessarily rude or annoying, but definitely gives you the impression that they could care less you are opening a tab with them. It's like you're a nuisance for asking them for a Guinness, despite being the only one at the bar. I've been in the industry my entire life and I've stepped foot in over 125 Irish Pubs in the last 700 days. At this point, I'm confident in my intuition for noticing if the bar is just having a bad shift or if what's currently happening is the everyday "norm."

It's obvious that Declan's turns into an annoying party when the sun goes down. You'll be surrounded by loud drunk dudes, you'll probably wait a while for a drink, and you won't have much room to comfortably chat with those around you. Again, the place has some charming attributes and it's not awful. You can certainly enjoy yourself under this roof (if you can't, then that's a you problem). Declan's has given me assertion that what I'm doing is totally needed in this country. I'm trying to find the Craic inside an authentic Pub, not a hip hop dance party where people in their twenties are trying to get lucky. It's easy to get duped by Google reviews in today's world. I'm not saying that Declan's is a full-on club with a DJ and flashing lights, because it's not. It's not as annoying as "She-nannigans Irish Pub" nearby which is a total night club, but it's by no means in the same ballpark as "The Kerryman."

I'm not some old guy telling everyone to get off my lawn. I'm not looking for a boring, quiet Pub by any means. I love lively music, dancing, and upbeat atmospheres: I really do! I'm just not a fan of trashy people behaving in awful ways who feel the need to scream at the top of their lungs for no reason. Again, Declan's isn't that obnoxious, but it's annoying enough to make me address this point I'm making. The Kerryman Irish Pub is a perfect example of someone who supplies a fun vibe without allowing the place to turn into a shitshow.

If you follow me, I'll let you know where you'll fit in. I'm going to tell you which Pubs are proper and quiet with good food and subtle music, I'll show you which Pubs are ideal for watching sports with pool tables/darts, and I'll point out the places that are filled with hip hop music and annoying drunkards. I have my preference on which type of Pub that I'm typically in the mood for, and sometimes my preference changes depending on the night. I'm trying to make it easy for people to pick out which Pub suits them best. That's one of the reasons why most of my Pub articles are a bit lengthy.

Anyway, I'm not a huge fan of Declan's and I'm sure I'll get some flak from its regulars. I didn't go into full detail about the Pub, but who cares? I'm on the mission to find the best Irish Pub in America, and this certainly isn't it. This journey has just begun. I'm off to a much better barstool. Slainte!