O'Neill's Pub. Salem, Massachusetts.

120 Washington Street

Guinness Tag: $8.00 | Overall Rating: 6.95

Today's Dedicated Pint: Little Everleigh

Salem is historically known for embracing the spirit of Halloween, but the origin of Halloween comes from Ireland, believe it or not. Over 2,000 years ago, the Irish believed the boundary between the Living world and the Otherworld vanished the night of October 31st. Harmful spirits would pass through, and people would wear masks and inside-out clothing to try and blend in with the passing spirits. When the city of Salem held all of the famous witch trials back in the 1600's, the Halloween tradition seemed to fit, and now the coastal city might be the most popular one on the planet to celebrate Halloween in. (Athens, Ohio has a huge party.)

We came in the month of July to sip on some Guinness inside one of the Irish Pubs located in the heart of the city called O'Neill's. To our luck (or misfortune however you want to look at it), there were Canadian wildfires going on in the meantime, which gave off a very strong orange glow in the air from all of the smog. It felt spooky, and it made the entire experience of walking around downtown a memorable one! I can't imagine coming here throughout the month of October, because it was crowded enough in July. Some of the shops here are pretty neat, though, such as a vividly accurate depiction of the "magic wand" store in the Harry Potter movies. You'll find a lot of those magic crystals and stones shops here, too. People seem to gobble those crystals up.

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Before you step foot inside O'Neill's, I hope you have better luck finding a parking space than I did. Parking anywhere around here is nuts, and apparently the city loves to hand out fines and tow people's cars like it's their bread and butter. Just keep that in mind as you plan to come here. To be frank, I think a train ride from Boston would be better, however, I didn't take the train, so I can't speak on it (it could be an awful commute for all I know). It took us a good 55 minutes to arrive to Salem, despite being just 21 miles away. Streetlights, single lane roads, and many turns. Either on your way up or back down, you should make it a point to get out of the car for 15 minutes along the shoreline of Revere Beach; it's gorgeous.

The curb appeal here is nice. They have a fun archway and shrubbery as you pull up. When you open the door, you'll notice a fake fireplace, manufactured patina (think of those cheap signs you buy off Amazon with the "rustic" wear and tear on the edges, despite the sign being brand new), and a bunch of dining room tables. The bar itself is a rather long, L-Shaped counter that holds roughly 30 cheeks, giving you 15 asses all day.

We sat down towards the end of the bar, and while we weren't the only ones in the Pub, we were the only ones at the bar. The staff here definitely gives off the ol' "I took the job because I needed money and they were hiring," vibe. I wouldn't blame the owners for this (because in an area like Salem you have to do what you have to do), but something tells me they'll hire just about anybody. If I was a seasoned bartender in the area, I probably wouldn't want to work here, primarily because of the type of crowd that influxes the place during peak season. I could see myself being "the Monday guy" or something like that.

I'm going to be pickier than usual here, but the city of Salem is a little manufactured, so it only makes sense for its Irish Pub to be a little manufactured as well. Look at some of these pictures and you'll notice what I brought up earlier about "manufactured patina." The walls are literally painted to look aged, and yes, I do like the way it looks as it's WAY better than nothing, it's just too obvious. It feels too forced. I bet if you go to an old Pub in your neck of the woods that's been around for 50+ years, you'll know what I'm talking about. However, the patina on the walls inside the old Pub in your city will be legit rather than painted on.

The furniture is mass-produced as well. I've picked up and sat on these same barstools in precisely hundreds of bars and restaurants. There's nothing unique about any of the furniture here which is frustrating (I'll bring up the booths here in a minute). Again, I don't want to complain, but this is the perfect place to gripe about stuff like this. It's totally warranted, and I'm not getting paid to do this (well, I'm not getting paid to say anything nice about this place). I might get 17 cents off this article by the end of the year if I'm lucky!

I have been to places where a little bit of that "manufactured patina" isn't all that bad to an extent, especially for places way out in the middle of nowhere (it's never a good thing to have forced patina), but O'Neill's really lays it on heavy. Again, it's not totally unique to O'Neill's when you look at almost every street corner here in Salem, so at the end of the day it's a bit par for the course. You can't get too crossed about it, but I'm choosing to do so anyway.

The best thing about O'Neill's is the Guinness pour. I know, I talked smack about the staff earlier, but the guy poured a couple of great pints. I got a second one just to make sure his first one wasn't a fluke. The second was even better. Kudos deserved.

Speaking of suds. They have maybe 22 beers on tap, consisting of all the basics such as Harp and Smithwicks. They offer an average whiskey selection that will make most people happy. This bar is equipped for all of the party shots for when those types of crowds walk in, and I'm happy I wasn't here for when that happened. You'll almost certainly never see me in a bar past 10 at night, however, there are always exceptions! I'm not opposed to late night sipping, but I am opposed to annoying bargoers who leave their manners at the door, and those are pretty pertinent come nightfall. I don't think I'm getting old, I think I'm just losing patience. I could be dead next week, so why waste the precious time with idiots?

My favorite thing about this place is that they provide Steel Tip Dartboards. I honestly couldn't believe it. They are stuffed behind some tables and chairs which is unfortunate, and I wasn't about to be "that guy" who moves the furniture around to throw a few darts by myself, so I didn't throw any. It would have been great to throw a game against a local from around here, though. You can learn a lot by drinking and throwing darts with someone you don't know.

I once threw against a guy at a bar in Dayton, Ohio while I was selling bourbon. I made a routine stop to try and sell some booze, and I noticed a guy prepping up his darts. I had mine with me, because they're essentially always with me (ya never know when you're gonna throw), and I asked if he wanted to toss. As we threw a couple of games of cricket we began to chat, and it turned out he owned/owns multiple business around the area. Good guy to know. He opened a few connections for me, and I ended up getting a small space on that bar's shelf to place a bottle of bourbon on (it's probably collecting dust at this point, I don't sell for that company anymore).

You never know who's going to be on the next barstool over, or who's next in line to throw a game of darts. Chances are, it'll be the typical jerk who doesn't want to chat and wants to continue to have a bad day for no reason, but every once in a while, you end up crossing paths with someone who may not only change your entire day or week but perhaps make an imprint on your entire life. It's sort of like playing a hot slot machine: most of the time the fellow barguests are going to be losers, but every so often you run into a winner.

I hope people don't just look at my ratings for each Pub and judge it from that alone, because despite giving this place a rating below a 7, that doesn't mean you can't have a lovely time underneath this roof. It always depends on who you're with and what you decide to chat about, of course. I could have a blast at an Applebee's if I wanted, but that's the thing: I don't want to. There are plenty of Irish Pubs that I'd love to have a good time in, and unfortunately, O'Neill's won't be one of them moving forward. It's not a terrible place, and I like some of the attributes like the big Guinness painting and the way the booths are constructed/upholstered. It's just not my cup of tea, and I believe that those who routinely read my stuff will know exactly what I'm talking about. It's a cookie cutter Pub.

I'm going back down to Boston for a while before trekking up to Bar Harbor, Maine. I'll see you at the next one.

Thanks for the magnificent pour, O'Neill's. I'll give you that. Slainte.